Chats: shoes 3X3

Everlast - What It's Like from East Mesa School on Vimeo.

Your heart will be beating different. You will feel the regular thud-thud at an accelerated thud-thiu-thiu-thiu; it's beating as if you're speaking in front of a crowd. Taking a moment to loosen the strain, the stress causing your body, a longer breath envelops lung space, your mind opens with glint of ease. Just relax for a sec. Maybe a thought of how useful taking a little time each day for deep breathing is glimpsed. That's in passing--everything comes back like a landslide: you are here, now. The strained voice of the other is making both afflicted sides blood boil. You restrain, subduing your fighting impulse (fight-or-flight response) to a simmer.

It's the middle of a fight with your parent, spouse, other half, whoever. By now it's actually done, what is now a fast fading memory. Alone, it is worth nothing.

Was the screeching tension worth all the effort? How well did you try to hear the their story, "their side/ opinion?" Did they not compromise enough; did you not give them enough options? Did they leave you dry, no compromise in site; did you really need to disagree instead of "sacrificing" something? time? effort? flexibility?

Anyway, I read this book, Toxic Feedback, about the precarious task of critiquing someone...
fitting into the Form of Your Audience:

It is always your fault. While not meaning, it is all your fault.

First, accept--truly realize--you are always at fault. Each side--in any tiff or feud--is faulty.

"They are mostly who is to blame!"

It does not matter. (Take the absolutist POV on this one. Another link, for more.)

There is not two sides.

Second, there are no sides. Two opposing positions are only theoretical academic modes of discourse. If used outside of theory, they make armchair philosophy into something useless.